


Dejected

by Lunatasha



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, Revolves around depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-26 00:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/959393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunatasha/pseuds/Lunatasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Orihime keeps falling lower and lower, and she doesn't see any hope. She doesn't see the point of anything any more. She just feels empty and the worst part is that nobody understands. Or so she thought. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Couple of things! This is an AU where Grimmjow is human, and born human, two years before Orihime. Because of this his personality, his goals, etc are a little different, but hopefully he doesn't seem too out of character. Also, I changed Orihime's back story a bit. This story is centred around depression and explores/talks about it a lot. It also involves a decent amount of talk about death. I know a lot of people aren't comfortable with that sort of thing so if you are one of those people I wouldn't recommend reading this. Some things might seem confusing at first, but I plan on explaining everything as the fic goes on.

Orihime watched her friends leave her home. They all had disappointed looks on their faces, as if they could possibly solve her problems in one afternoon visit. Orihime knew they meant well, she did, but she couldn't bring herself to care any more. She wanted to care, she wanted to be enthusiastic, but she just couldn't do it, which made her even more frustrated. It had never taken any actual effort to be interested in life before, it came naturally. But something had clearly stopped working. It was like she was physically incapable of caring about anything any more. She just felt lethargic and sad and frustrated all the time.

She couldn't cope. She ended up dropping out of school, she had unofficially quit her job and she ended up spending all of her time cooped up in her home. It felt more like a prison these days. She couldn't find the motivation to get out of it though. She couldn't find the motivation to do anything. Orihime didn't understand it. She felt worthless, but yet she couldn't muster the energy nor the interest to actually do anything productive. The most productive thing she had done all week was to buy food online so she wouldn't starve. That was literally it. She was sick of feeling like this. She was sick of everything. At this point she just wanted out.

The sudden loud banging on her front door made Orihime grimace, the noise instantly making her headache worse. She glared at the door before turning away, intending to ignore whoever it was at her front door. Her friends had just left, and there was no one else who cared about her, so what was the point? That was if her friends did actually care about her. It was hard to tell these days really. Orihime winced as the loud banging on her door just got louder, making the pain in her head more intense. She gave up and decided to answer the door. Hopefully she could just get rid of whoever it was quickly and she could go back to...well, doing nothing.

Upon seeing the tall, muscular, blue-haired man in her doorway, her face showed more expression than it had in months. What the hell was Grimmjow of all people doing here? "Whoa. The rumours are true."

Orihime stared up at Grimmjow in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Ever since you disappeared from school there have been all sorts of theories about why. Most were dumb as fuck, at one point some people thought you died. The one that was most popular though was that you got depressed and gave up on life. I thought that one was fucking stupid too, but clearly I was wrong."

Orihime shrugged. "So? That doesn't explain why you're here."

His appearance confused her a lot. They knew each other well enough to be on first name basis with each other, but that was the limit. She had literally no idea why he was here. She had no idea how he knew where to find her either.

"I came to see what was wrong with you. With all the rumours going round I couldn't help but be curious. I didn't think little miss cheerful herself would actually fall so far down."

"Well now you know. Bye Grimmjow."

Grimmjow stopped her from closing the door on him. "I'm not leaving."

"Why not?"

Grimmjow shoved himself past her and into her apartment. "Because clearly, you need some fucking help. This place is a mess. So are you. What could've possibly turned you from the happiest girl in the world into this."

Orihime shrugged again. Grimmjow had to count to ten to stop himself from putting her head through a brick wall. Of course she wouldn't get anywhere if she didn't put any effort into doing anything.

Grimmjow didn't know how to talk to her, and she was giving him nothing to work off either. But it was obvious she needed help. Grimmjow wasn't even sure if the girl should be left alone. Not when she was in such a state. He never intended to be here. Not like this anyway. It was true that his own curiosity got to him, and that was why he visited. It wasn't often than an angel like Orihime, the third best student in her entire year, would suddenly quit school. But he didn't expect to find her like this. He did genuinely think that all the rumours flying around school were ridiculous. He never thought Orihime of all people could get depressed. He didn't know what he expected when he knocked on her door, but it certainly wasn't this.

He wanted to leave. He barely knew the woman. He knew her name, her personality, but that was about it. But he couldn't bring himself to leave. Not after seeing the look in her eyes after he asked her what had happened to change her into this. The look in her eyes made his heart stop. He knew that look. She had lost something very important. And that loss had reduced her to this. She was sad, lonely and quite frankly pitiful. She had depression. She wasn't just sad. She needed to see some sort of doctor. He knew that mental state better than he'd care to admit. And he couldn't help but feel for the poor girl.

He glanced around her home. She hadn't cleaned in a while. He had only ever been here once before, and it was only briefly. Her place wasn't exactly a dump, but he knew it was usually a lot cleaner than this. His eyes rested on a shrine over in the corner. He remembered seeing it last time. Except...there was only one photo on it then. He glanced at Orihime before making his way over to the shrine. There were two picture frames. One was there before, with a photo of her older brother in it. But there was a new one, one that contained a photo of a little girl. She couldn't have been older than eight at the most. Grimmjow looked back at Orihime before looking at the photo again. He had never heard of her having a little sister, but they looked too similar for it to be anything else. The only thing that was different between the two, except for the age difference, was that the little girl had black hair like her brother, instead of the bright colour Orihime had.

Grimmjow glared at the photo. Since when did she have a little sister? She didn't have one when he was here last time, and that couldn't have been more than a year ago. The two of them weren't quite friends, the reason they knew each other was because a few of Orihime's friends were friends with some of Grimmjow's friends. Sometimes on outings with friends she ended up being there. Outside of school, the last time he saw her was about five months ago, and she didn't have a little sister then. So at some point in the last five months, not only did she gain a little sister, but she had lost her too. Grimmjow admitted that losing a younger sibling was sad, but she had gotten over her older brother's death. There had to be something more to this. To her. And Grimmjow was going to find out one way or another.

XxXxXxX

By the time Grimmjow had cooked dinner, Orihime had fallen asleep on the floor, back against the sofa. He nudged her a little roughly, making her whine before she opened her eyes. "What?"

"Dinner's ready."

Orihime shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"I don't give a fuck. Just eat it."

When Orihime made no move to get up, Grimmjow grabbed her wrist in such a way that she instinctively grabbed his wrist too and yanked her up from the floor. "That hurt."

Grimmjow glared at her. "Get up on your own next time then."

Orihime sighed before walking slowly over to the kitchen part of her apartment, sitting down at the small table. She waited for Grimmjow to sit down before she started to eat quickly, not particularly feeling like facing his wrath. However about half way through the meal Orihime started to struggle. Her appetite would switch between not wanting to eat anything to wanting to eat all the comfort food she had in the house. Today was one of the days where she didn't want to eat anything. The fact that Grimmjow cooked the portions he was used to didn't help, as he clearly ate more than she did. She wondered where he put it all.

Grimmjow sighed as he watched the girl pick at her food. She seemed too nervous to stop eating completely after he told her to eat, but it was clear she wasn't going to finish it all. "Orihime." She looked up from her plate to his face instantly. She couldn't recall him ever calling her by her actual name. "You don't have to eat it all if you can't manage it. Just eat as much as you can." Orihime nodded, surprised at the sudden softness. She ended up eating a good 80 percent of the meal as a response to his gentle orders without even realising it.


	2. Chapter 2

Grimmjow ended up visiting Orihime roughly three times a week, usually cooking a meal or two during these visits. As crude as it was, he could tell she wasn't eating as much as she used to because her breasts had gotten smaller. So every time he came round he would make sure she got at least one decent meal that day. She wasn't gaining any weight back on, but she wasn't losing it any more either, so he supposed it was a victory of sorts. The longer the visits went on, the more curious Orihime seemed to get. Grimmjow could tell she wanted to know why he kept coming round, but she never actually asked him. He guessed that she was too nervous. The two kinda just settled into a situation where he would visit and she would let him, and that was it. Neither of them knew why the other was there because both sides were too afraid to ask.

Until one Saturday afternoon that is. He didn't mean to ask, especially in the way he did, but the question had just slipped out. "Did someone kill your little sister?"

The question obviously caused her pain. "Wha...What makes you ask that?"

Grimmjow stared at her. She was avoiding his gaze and trying to deflect the question. With the way she was shaking, he wondered if she possibly had post-traumatic stress disorder on top of the depression. Dropping the question would cause her less pain. Pursuing the answer would be hard for her, but could possibly do her good in the long term. But making her talk too early could lead to her shutting him out completely or could make her current mental state worse. But if Orihime never talked about what happened, then that would harm her in the future.

"Have you thought about getting professional help?" There, that was a good start. Not intrusive to the point where she would shut herself off, but it would give him something.

Orihime stared forward, still not meeting his eyes. "Briefly. But what's the point? Chances are they'll only prescribe drugs, which I don't want to take, or just talk to me, which is what you've been doing."

"To be fair, they are trained in talking therapy. So if you wanted to talk to anybody, they would be your best bet."

Orihime shook her head. "I'm more comfortable with you."

That had surprised Grimmjow. "Really?"

"Yeah. If I do have to talk to someone about this stuff-"

"Which you do."

"Then I'd rather it be you than some random stranger. Besides you actually seem to know what you're doing. Why is that anyway?"

Grimmjow looked at her. There was actual interest hidden in the depths of her grey eyes. She hadn't shown interest in anything since he started visiting."I have experience with dealing with people who have depression."

Orihime winced slightly. She knew she had depression, and it was fairly obvious that Grimmjow had known from the start as well. But it had never been said out loud before and it just sounded so harsh. It was weird to hear. But now it was out in the open. She had depression. It was strange, she knew she had it (or at least, she had made an educated guess), but now that she heard someone else say it, and not judge her for it, it felt a little easier to breathe. She was so caught up in her own thought process that Orihime didn't realise that she was probably supposed to respond to Grimmjow until she saw his face.

"Was it someone who was close to you?"

Grimmjow nodded, but didn't say anything else. Orihime was intrigued. She had always thought of Grimmjow of this huge tough guy who probably buried his feelings without even realising it. But from what she had heard today, partnered with the couple of hints she had gotten during the past few weeks he had been visiting her, Grimmjow was actually reasonably empathetic and caring. It sounded like he had taken care of someone with depression before. But the topic seemed very close to home for Grimmjow, so she didn't want to push it.

Grimmjow stared at the girl slouched on the sofa in front of him. Over the past month or so he had gotten pretty good at reading her facial expressions. It was clear that she wanted to ask him but felt she couldn't. Grimmjow didn't really want her to know. He had only really come to terms with it himself in the past couple of years. But if he told anyone about it, it would be her. Orihime was the only one who would actually understand. Plus it was the first time he had seen her so interested for a while now. Not to mention, if he revealed some personal stuff about himself, she was more likely to do the same. The thought of telling her made him uncomfortable, but the benefits outweighed that.

"You can ask me if you want to."

Orihime glanced up at him, cheeks tinged with pink out of embarrassment. He hadn't seen that much colour on her for weeks. "Really?"

"Really."

"...Who was it?"

"My mother."

Orihime frowned slightly as she suddenly felt like she was stepping on territory she shouldn't be. She had never heard Grimmjow even mention his parents, and he lived alone. She assumed it was a bit of a sore topic.

"How old were you when she had it?"

The small sofa Orihime was on creaked slightly as Grimmjow sat next to the girl. "She kinda always had it. My dad left when I was a baby, and I think she developed it as a result of that asshole leaving. She seemed happy when I was a kid though, it's only when I look back on it that I realise that she wasn't. After I started going to school she seemed to get worse. Some days were so bad I skipped school and stayed with her instead."

Orihime couldn't stop herself from smiling slightly at the image of an eight year old Grimmjow skipping school just to look after his mother.

"I guess it all eventually got too much for her."

The ghost of a smile on Orihime's face promptly disappeared. Grimmjow lived alone. He had a mother, who had depression, and now he lives alone. She looked over to Grimmjow, hating the feeling that she knew where this was going.

"I got home from middle school one day and her dead body was just lying there in the kitchen."

Orihime grimaced. She knew what he was going to say, but it was awful to hear nonetheless.

"Grimmjow." He turned to face her. "I'm really sorry. I mean really, really sorry."

Grimmjow shrugged. "It was a while ago now."

Orihime crawled over to his side of the sofa and hugged him tightly. "Still, that would be hard for any child to see."

Grimmjow let his right arm rest on her waist, a little awkwardly. He was hardly the hugging type. But he wanted to let her know that it was appreciated, preferably without pressing her breasts any further into him. It was distracting enough as it was.

XxXxXxX

"When was the last time you got out of the house?" He had been visiting for six weeks now, and even he felt boxed into her apartment. Orihime shrugged, making Grimmjow growl slightly. "Answer me properly dammit." Orihime looked up at Grimmjow, a disinterested expression on her face, before shrugging again. Clearly, today was one of her bad days. It pissed Grimmjow off to no end. Every single damn time he thought she was starting to get better, she got worse again the next day. "You've gotta tell something girl, c'mon." She simply shook her head. Grimmjow counted to ten in his head, trying his hardest not to yell at Orihime. It would hardly help the situation. "Fine. How about this. I'll ask you yes or no questions. You will answer them. Not too difficult." Orihime shrugged again. As it wasn't an outright no, he figured he'd go ahead. "Are both your parents alive?"

"Yes. Well, they were last time I checked anyway."

Grimmjow grinned. He might actually get somewhere with this. "Do you have a bad relationship with your parents?" Orihime nodded. "Then how do you live here? Your parents don't fund it do they?"

Orihime shook her head. "My aunt does."

"Didn't your brother die when you were 10?"

"Nine."

"But instead of offering you her home, your aunt gave you financial support and just hoped you could take care of yourself?"

"Pretty much." Orihime sighed heavily when she caught sight of Grimmjow's expression. "She's ashamed of me."

He stared at her. "Why?"

"My parents."

Grimmjow growled. "Just how bad are your parents exactly?" He noticed that Orihime's eyes were suddenly wet with unshed tears. But he had to know.

"Very. But...But when I was a kid I didn't blame them, but now..." Orihime finally let the tears fall. "I feel like they're tainting me from here. I never used to blame them, at all, but I feel so much less forgiving and it's horrible."

Grimmjow glared at her. "Orihime." The harsh tone made her look up, fearing what he was going to say. "That's not you becoming less forgiving, that's you finally growing the fuck up. It's easy to forgive when you're a kid, it's easy to have hope and think it won't happen again. 'Cause you don't have experience. When you grow up, you know better." Orihime stared up at Grimmjow, confused at his words. She had honestly expected him to criticise her for changing. Everyone knew her as the happy girl who loved everything and everyone, or at least they used to. She assumed that when people would realise differently that they would judge her for it and abandon her. "You're allowed to cut toxic people out of your life you know. Parents included."

She let more tears fall. "But they're my parents. Shouldn't I at least try to forgive them?"

Grimmjow stood up angrily. "Fuck no! Just because they're your parents doesn't mean you should excuse them for being assholes. Your brother took you away from them for a fucking reason. If you of all people can't forgive them, then they don't fucking deserve it." Orihime had stopped crying completely, hanging on to every word. "Listen to me woman. Anybody can create a kid, but not everyone can be a parent. Cutting them out of your life doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a smart and brave. Would you say your brother was a bad person for taking you away from them in the first place?"

Orihime sniffed. "N-no."

"Then why do you think it's bad to take yourself away from them? And for that matter, what the fuck were you playing at, getting into contact with them again anyway?"

"I never told you that I did that."

"Do you think I'm stupid? You said that you didn't blame them when you were a kid. For that to change now means that something had to have happened. You've had some sort of contact with them in the past 6 months, haven't you?"

Orihime paused before bursting into tears again as she nodded. Grimmjow made his way over and sat down next to her, arm around her shoulders. She couldn't even talk about her parents without crying. He wouldn't ask her anything else about this today. It looked like he had discovered what had triggered her depression. That was more than enough for now. He had gotten more out of her today than he had in the past six weeks. He was angry as hell, but not at her. Well, maybe a little bit. What could've possibly possessed her to contact her parents again?

XxXxXxX

Grimmjow stared at the tv, not really watching. It had taken a good twenty minutes for Orihime to calm down. He wouldn't be surprised if she gave herself a headache from crying for so long. After she had stopped crying, he had managed to convince her to take a shower. He was going to get her out of the house if it killed him. Today possibly wasn't the best day to try to take her out for the first time in weeks, but he figured that after the newly uncovered information, a distraction might be a good idea.

Grimmjow turned his head toward the hall when he heard Orihime open the bathroom door. It creaked, which he had found to be very useful. "Oi Hime, put on some decent clothes instead of pyjamas will ya?"

Orihime's hand holding her towel up clenched when she realised he was watching her. "Why?"

"Just do it." Orihime didn't move towards her bedroom, tilting her head with an unasked question instead. "You won't like it if I have to dress you woman. Then again, maybe you might." Grimmjow watched with a smirk on his face as she went bright red before rushing into her bedroom. While spending time with her, he had noticed that if he acted in a way she didn't approve of, he got more of a reaction from her. It wasn't that he wanted to irritate her as such, but it was nice seeing life in her face once in a while.

Grimmjow grinned when he saw Orihime walk out of her room. It had been weeks seeing her in proper clothes. She was wearing black tights, a pink pleated skirt that fell just above her knees, and a black hoodie. It was late February, so it was still a little chilly outside. She hadn't bothered to dry her hair properly, so it was plastered to her skin. She hadn't bothered with makeup either, the bags under her eyes as obvious as ever, but she still looked a lot brighter than she had for ages. He got up from the sofa and made sure he had everything. "C'mon, we're going out."

"Huh?"

"You're running out of food. We're going shopping."

"I order food off the internet, we don't have to go out."

"So instead of going to the supermarket down the fucking street, you've been paying delivery charges because you couldn't be bothered to get out of the house?" Grimmjow rolled his eyes when she didn't answer. "You're going out."

Orihime knew full well that there was no point in arguing with him. "Fine. Let me tie my hair up first though."

Grimmjow grinned. That was the first time he had seen her caring about her appearance since she got depressed. It was a minor thing, but promising nonetheless. Especially after what had happened in the early afternoon. He just hoped she wouldn't relapse again.


End file.
